i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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