high people should be assigned attendants
Acid is not a monday night drug
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
