Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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