That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
