I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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