I'm sorry my penis didn't work
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
