I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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