Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
