i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
