What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
