By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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