A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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