Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
