I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
