As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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