lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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