So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
