i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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