I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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