uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
