He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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