I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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