Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
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