My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
