"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
