My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
