you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
