I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
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