Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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