Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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