Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Operation Purity has been aborted
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
