Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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