My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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