My friends, they love my intelligence
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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