i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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