O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
