Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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