I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
