I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
