Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
