Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
