Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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