Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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