The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
