i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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