and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
