Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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