Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
