Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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