I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Randomize
