it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
