so that wasnt chicken after all
Please, let me fuck your mom
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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