Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
