my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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