went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
