hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just found puke in my bra..
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
But theres a keg here and me gusta
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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